Being a Unicorn: Adventures in Emotional Tourism

In the world of kink, Unicorn is a label prescribed to people, mostly women, who enjoy or even prefer being the third in a sexual or romantic endeavor with a hetero couple. We’re called unicorns because we’re hard to find and therefore very special. When I first began my sexual exploration, I may not have described myself this way. But now, I embrace the term fully.

I don’t think that it is my defining characteristic as a person, even if we’re speaking strictly sexually. But over the last few months I have been surprised at how much I loved being the third. I have had a half a dozen threesomes with different heterosexual committed couples and each experience has been unique and beautiful. For a few hours, you get to step inside someone else’s relationship. You feel the love they have for one another in a really safe way.

When I told Spouse about this – yes, I tell him about my sexual exploits and he loves hearing – he called it emotional tourism. And I think that’s right. You get to visit a relationship, feel and enjoy and be involved in their dynamic for a short time, but you don’t have to move there. You can even visit frequently, but it isn’t your home. For me, at this moment in my life, that has been really beautiful.

I have also been lucky in never having found myself in a situation where one partner had been more or less coerced into the experience. In all cases, each partner was invested in my involvement.

Sexually, it was a wild adventure. So many hands and bodies. It can be a bit overwhelming. One of the hottest things is when a the male part of a couple teaches me how to give his woman an orgasm. Because I have not been with women outside of these experiences, I have no idea what to do with a pussy. But, I can follow instructions! And it is wildly fulfilling to give someone that intense pleasure.

Participating in threesomes, especially the experiences with women, taught me something else about sex and pleasure: it’s not hard to be “good” at sex, all you have to do is care about giving pleasure to the other person. I don’t walk around thinking about sex with women the way I do with men, but I really enjoy pleasuring women in bed because I enjoy pleasing women and people in general. It’s like giving a gift.

Each couple I was with did a really good job at making me feel both wanted and safe. I knew that I could consent or withdraw consent at any idea. This is an important dynamic when it’s essentially 2 on 1. I think I also did a really good job giving both parties in each couple equal attention. I knew that if I was in a couple and we invited a third, I would hate for that person to give one of us more attention than the other, so I tried to stay cognizant of that. It’s pretty easy really, you can always have at least a hand or something on each person.

In each case, I was careful to have a pretty detailed conversation in advance about what each person found compelling in this situation. I wanted to know if one person wanted to watch the other with me, or if they had a specific thing in mind, or a specific thing they didn’t want to do. These conversations are awkward at first, but get easier and are ultimately extremely necessary to the success of a multi-person sexual experience, in my opinion.

The other aspect that made these past few threesomes more like tourism was that it was very clear that this was a sexual experience, we weren’t trying to date one another. So at the base of it all, it’s a true friends-with-benefits situation.

I’m not longer on the hunt for new threesomes, but I’ll stay open to the idea, and will absolutely repeat with some of the couples I’ve been with.

Checking off my sexual wish list

About three years into my marriage, when the sex had all but stopped, I remember thinking “this is just what happens in a long term relationship”. Another few years of that and I couldn’t accept that as truth. I couldn’t accept is as my truth, anyway. So once Spouse and I finally separated and my months with Barista had come to a close, I began embarking on a something of a Rumspringa.

Beyond opening myself up to new romantic possibilities, like non monogamy, I opened up to new sexual possibilities. There were days where I felt like a 13-yr-old boy, the only thing on my mind was how, when and with whom I would secure my next orgasm.

I bought toys and branched out in the porn I watched. I sexted constantly, exchanging naughty words and (mostly) faceless sexy pics with randoms and people I knew alike. I found sexting to be an extremely exciting and also safe way to try new things. I let myself play with being submissive in bed this way, setting scenes of bondage and power play. I imagined multi-person experiences and public sex and other scenarios I knew I was unlikely to ever end up in.

I found that, for me, sex is a multi-person experience. I can masturbate to porn or a mental image, to be sure. But I so prefer to at least have another person on the other end of the phone. Just the idea that someone knows I’m touching myself and thinking of them is incredibly exciting to me.

In real life, I had a lot of firsts as well. I gave my first blow job to completion – yes, I was a 26-yr-old who had never given a blow job to completion – and literally spit the cum up on the dude’s shirt and laughed. Not my finest moment. I tried deep throating and loved it, gave a few foot jobs, also very fun. I experimented with anal play and learned I’m very into it and then had anal sex for the first time soon after! I participated in a handful of ffm threesomes, which are something of a favorite of mine. Had two mmf threesomes. Let myself be tied up a handful of times. Lots of spanking, a little light choking and lots of verbal power play. As it turns out, I am very into being called a “good girl”. I fucked older men, married men (only ones who were consensually open), men and women. All in all, there have been about 25 new people in my pants over the last 6 months.

My foray into the world of mellow kink culminated in an evening of double penetration, one dick in my pussy and one in my ass. LOVED IT.

But the strangest thing happened. I woke up the next morning feeling like I’d accomplished everything on my sexual wish list. I had been pursuing new and frequent sexual experiences in an almost manic way and all of the sudden, I felt ready to stop. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret anything I tried. In fact, I think I am likely to repeat most of it. But the fervency with which I chased those experiences left me about a month ago.

 

Rainy afternoon

Lately I’ve been doing a culling of my relationships. I have intentionally cut out fuck buddies who didn’t respect me. Spouse and I are over in that way, Storyteller decided to become monogamous with someone else and I even recently cut Barista out of my life, though that’s a longer story. I wanted to make space in my life for relationships with men who would respect me, and men with whom I could develop deeper connections.

So I still have a few pure friends with benefits relationships and am still seeing Feathers regularly, though the sexual relationship has really cooled lately. But what I really would like is one or a few slightly deeper connections as well. A man or men I see relatively often, with whom I can develop an emotional/romantic connection. But I’m also always looking for new and good casual sex friends.

Ad Man and I have chatted on and off on Bumble for several months now, but last weekend we decided to actually get together. He told me that while he was open to a relationship, he was really just looking for casual sex. I told him that I was really looking for a relationship, but that since I do non monogamy, I could always use another good fuck buddy so it was no problem either way. We agreed to just see how it went!

We met at 2 PM for coffee and ended up spending the next nine hours in his bed together. Not only was the sex amazing (I learned to give a foot job! Lol! More in another post), but we had an incredible time with one another in general. It was a rainy day and so we cracked the window and drank red wine in bed all afternoon while listening to the rain in the trees. We have a very similar sense of humor and just in the span of this first interaction the teasing and laughing and cuddling felt very natural.

I completely lost track of time and honestly didn’t want to leave his house at the end of the night, but I had to get home to S.

We had so much sex, I came three time and he came 6! In one instance, he came twice back to back, which I didn’t realize can even happen to dudes. And neither did he! He joked that this is like “call your doctor if your erection lasts this long” situation and that he hadn’t even jacked off this much in a day as a teenager. He really prioritized my pleasure and wanted to be sure I was getting everything I needed and more. I might be more into foot stuff than I realized.

Beyond the sex, I’m not sure what else took up all that time. There was a lot of laughter and snuggling and talking. At one time he picked up his banjo and danced around singing me songs along with Alexa, who we yelled at all afternoon. Then he sang and played Jason Isbell while I lounged in bed in the silky burnt orange nighty I’d brought along just in case. He cried when I told him about the dog I adopted at 11 who only lived until 13 and laughed when I told him my girlfriends have been trolling the 45+ crowd on Tinder with a fake profile of Topanga from Boy Meets World.

It just all felt rather magical and shielded and I’m still a bit starry eyed from it, 5 days later.

By the end of the night, we both expressed that although the pretense of meeting was casual sex, we were maybe feeling more and wanted to spend more time together. We shall see.

More Adventurous

There is a song by Rilo Kiley called More Adventurous that has a line referencing a Frank O’Hara poem.

The Rilo Kiley song says:

“I read with every broken heart, we should become more adventurous.”

The Frank O’Hara poem says:

“Each time my heart is broken it makes me feel more adventurous (and how the same names keep recurring on that interminable list!), but one of these days there’ll be nothing left with which to venture forth.”

For years, this idea has described me. I’ve always felt like a fearless lover. When my heart breaks, I do not feel deterred, I feel determined. Maybe I’m a masochist. Or an optimist. Or maybe something about the ups and downs of love feel like truly being alive.

So now, as I sit in the discomfort of such a huge shift as an ended marriage, the fragility of my heart may truly allow another person or persons to enter it.

Yes, I’ve been dating throughout the separation. But the day Spouse and I decided to end our marriage and transition into simply best friends and co dog parents, I felt this calmness wash over me. It felt clear to me. I was free and my best friend supports me completely in finding the happiness and love I want in my life.

That night I met up with a new person, a beautiful Frenchman who had expressed an interest in a friends with benefits relationship where we could explore sexually together. He was specifically interested in threesomes and “swaps”, the former I have done and enjoyed, the latter seemed new and exciting. Before meeting we clarified that we both wanted to start as friends with benefits and then be open to something more if it felt right. Because sex is so important to me right now, this seemed like a perfect opportunity.

So we met and he was charming and handsome, honest and reserved with a truly European sensibility. We went back to his and had sex a few times. All I can say is I don’t know any American men who do it that way. He was passionate and intense, insistent upon a lot of kissing and full embraces. A true love making experience, even though it got relatively rough. During and in between each time he would say he wanted to fuck me all night and wanted me to come over every night. At the end he asked me to stay the night and I did for a few hours, only waking to go home to my dog, S.

It’s difficult for me to fall asleep, but since that night I’ve fallen asleep in his bed half a dozen times. Something about being with him keeps me present, comfortable and entranced. It doesn’t hurt that he’s a fully put together adult. Meaning he has a great job, knows how to dress himself (think a slightly more European J-crew look) and keeps his life and space organized. He is also not a big partier.

I came over one after a work gala he had planned and attended for work and caught him still in his tux. WOW. He had taken another woman to the gala as we had only met several days prior, but it flattered me he didn’t go home with her and came to me instead. When he mentioned her, I got a pang of jealousy. He saw it and teased me. I had literally just told him I could not see him the next night due to another date. I’m unsure whether the jealousy had to do with wanting to attend a gala with him or because I may be developing more substantial feelings towards him. It passed quickly, but it isn’t something I’ve felt a lot of since I’ve been dating again.

Our time together is still very sexual and there is still talk of a third, etc. But there seems to be something else developing there as well. I drove him to the airport, for example, because we wanted a bit more time together before he left town for work. Something a fuck buddy may or may not really do. He asks a lot of questions about non monogamy and how the time I spend with him is different than the time I spend with other men. I’m not exactly sure what to make of that.

In any case, too soon to be too worried about any of this. But I do feel as though the vulnerability and freedom elicited by deciding to end my marriage is contributing to my openness to a new relationship that could be more than casual or purely sex based. We seem to have the same ideas on the best ways to spend time: nice music, a mellow lounge or low-key bar, the orchestra or Opera in Grant park, reading poetry to one another, and lots and lots of very passionate sex.

It does cross my mind that the feelings I’m developing for him could end in heartbreak. But I think that’s what makes them matter! And the fact that I can even start to feel this way again with anyone gives me hope for my ability to find love again.

 

 

 

 

One night stands

Plural. I’ve had a few lately.

I’ve been trying to track down some things that I want. In life. In love. And I’m not a whole lot closer to knowing those things. But I am a little bit closer. For example, I learned I’m not really interested in one night stands.

I do like a fleeting experience or a thing that could never be. In fact, I invested quite a lot into what I called ‘travel boyfriends’ over the years when I’d travel.

But now, staying in one place, it isn’t very appealing. Particularly if non-monogamy is in play. Because, if it’s a good experience, I’d like to repeat it. And, if it’s a bad experience, then I guess that’s a one night stand? But why aim for bad experiences?

Last week I had two one-offs. The first was an older guy I met on Tinder, newly single after 7 years. Truly charming and sweet and I wanted to see him again. But later he said he wasn’t ready. I’m choosing to believe it. The second, a writer, a satirist that cycled to meet me and girlfriends late on a Saturday night. Funny, cute. I still want to see him again. But I think, for him, it was a one-night thing.

Le sigh.

It was a revelation really. The fact that I could be sexually empowered and actually that meant I could say yes & no.

WTF is a dental dam: Or, how abstinence-only sex ed failed me

I am an adult. A sex positive adult. An open and progressive and educated adult. I have been sexually active to some extent since 2006. So how the fuck have I missed SO MUCH over the years in terms of sex education?

My first brush with misinformation causing me personal turmoil came at 14. I got pushed in a pool and ended up borrowing my boyfriend’s basketball shorts. I was wearing a thong and in my adolescent mind, I was sure I had gotten pregnant because he probably jacked off IN HIS SHORTS at some point and my thong left my vagina OPEN TO SEMEN.

After that, I figured a few things out. But still, at 19 I had another insane brush with misinformation about sex! I had full-on penetrative sex for the first time (not counting a one-time encounter with the biggest penis I’ve ever seen in high school). More on both of those another time. But, even though the guy didn’t cum – we were both halfway trying to be Mormon – I was SURE I was pregnant. Even though he didn’t cum and even though I was on birth control. I know that I could have been pregnant despite both, but those chances are TINY!

Anyway, the last few months I have been on something of a sexual rumspringa. And I thought I knew the basics about STIs and pregnancy and risk factors with different acts. Which is why I was shocked and mortified to find out how much I didn’t know when reading a book about non-monogamy.

Here’s what happened: Spouse and I decided to date again about a month ago and the intimacy we experienced in making that decision opened us up to have sex for the first time in almost a year. Before that happened, Spouse asked if I had used protection with other partners and I said yes. Because I had been using condoms with everyone but Barista, who had been tested before we had sex. Remember that Spouse is a doctor, so it was a practical and smart question. So we had condomless sex. Yay!

The next day, I read the chapter in my book about safer sex practices and was horrified to learn that dental dams are a thing! And a thing I maybe should have been using! I spent the next 24 hours doing a deep dive on sex-ed. I took my sexual health in my hands. I read up, set up an appointment for testing and started considering what my level of comfort for different risks really is.

Then I saw Spouse again. And I told him that I had not been practicing protected oral sex. He was really upset. In his mind, when he asked if I’d had protected sex, he was asking if I’d used a barrier for every single act. In my mind, it meant, did I use a condom for penis-in-vagina sex. Upon telling this story to friends, they agree with me, and knowing Spouse, they laugh at his perspective.

It’s not that we think protected oral sex is a joke. It’s not. But Spouse is a total dork. It’s one of the most endearing things about him. He’s an actual genius, but he can really miss some obvious things. And I was his first sexual partner. So, of course, he didn’t know that most people don’t use a dental dam or a condom for oral sex (though maybe more of us should). In his doctor mind, he thought “of course everyone uses all protective measures”. haha

Sweet angel.

We used a condom that night but haven’t had sex since. I told him I’d use protection with other partners in every way. And I intended to…

But after that conversation, I realized I’d like to renegotiate the oral sex thing. After talking to my NP and getting a clean bill of health STI wise (yay!), I’ve decided that if I’ve had a good talk with a partner on their history, that I don’t want to use a dental dam or a condom for oral sex. I haven’t told him this yet because we haven’t been physical again since and also, I’m a chicken shit and don’t want to have to say “no rubber between my pussy and a tongue, sorry Spouse”.

But alas, I gotta do it. Wish me luck?

Rolling the Tinder dice in a new city

I’m in the South now on a business trip and I decided to roll the Tinder dice and see what happened. I spent about an hour swiping yesterday and got a handful of interesting matches. Because my profile mentions nonmonogamy and I am a relatively attractive woman, I do pretty well for myself on dating apps. I think people read that as “dtf”. Which, sometimes, I am.

Anyway, decided to meet up with one of the dudes last night. I had been drinking and we flirty texted. He invited me to adult bingo at a bar, I told him there’s no Lyft here and I can’t remember my Uber password. So he came to meet me in front of my hotel. It’s warm here, so we sat on some steps in front of a chain-type yoga studio.

He was very cute and we definitely hit it off physically.. but, his name was the same as Spouse’s. And, he was my size (5’4″). And I felt like I needed someone who could pick me up and really fuck me. Also, someone that didn’t make me think of Spouse. So, we made out like teenagers in the street. It definitely made me think I could get into semi-public sex.

So, we made out like teenagers in the street. It definitely made me think I could get into semi-public sex. We felt each other up a bit and in between all that we chatted about mindfulness and Dan Savage. He’s a furniture designer from NYC, here on a job. He had candy in his pockets. All in all, a very nice hour or so before I retreated to my room.

We ended up finishing up the night with a very graphic (and including graphics) sexting session. I am a big fan of this kind of thing. The sick part, though, is that this person has the same name as Spouse. So as I’m receiving messages, I’m partway tricking myself into believing I’m having a sexy exchanged with him. I don’t know what to make of that, but I don’t want to think too hard about it. Back to Chicago tomorrow.

 

Fuck Buddies

One thing I love about nonmonogamy is the fact that each relationship can truly develop into whatever it’s meant to be. In other words, I can relate to each partner in whatever way he and I choose and agree on. And for one of my men, Urban Planner, I think we’re headed in the direction of true fuck buddies.

Urban Planner is great. We have a lot of common interests and enjoy talking to one another. And the sex is great. He’s extremely comfortable and competent in bed. When you ask a man what he likes sexually, many a man will answer “I like to pleasure a woman”, signifying that they are a selfless lover or something. But I have found that they don’t always mean that, sometimes they just think it’s the right thing to say. Usually these men do want to pleasure a woman, but that is not the main way in which they receive sexual pleasure. Well, Urban Planner may be the exception to this rule I’ve been noticing.

He genuinely seems to get off on whatever it is that I am getting off on. It’s a really beautiful thing. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t ask for things in bed, he does and I fucking love it. Nothing worse than asking a man how he wants you and having him say “whatever you want”, signifying that he’s just not sure what he wants. Urban Planner will ask for what he wants and that turns me on. Especially because I trust that if I don’t want to do whatever he’s requested, it’s no problem, there are plenty more things under the sun to try. And, when I ask for something, he really wants to give it to me, and he’s very open to a lot of things.

It’s at least partially about feeling competent in bed. He genuinely wants to be a great lover. But it’s also that, if I’m enjoying myself, he literally derives pleasure from that.

Now that I’m thinking about it, most of my partners are this way. If they can see I’m having a good time, they can let go and have a good time themselves. It’s just that Urban Planner is really fucking good at communicating without shame or expectation and it makes our sexual interactions really wonderful.

Anyway, the other night I got stoned and watched more Kattarshians. And pot can make me really horny. So it’s maybe 10 PM and I’m feeling really turned on. So I texted Urban Planner and just straight asked “you up for a little Saturday night fuck?” I’ve come to realize that being direct is the best way to get what you want. Playing games and being coy can be fun, but when you’re living that nonmonogamous lifestyle, you gotta kind of be clear about what you need and want. I followed that text up with one explaining that I don’t value him only for sex, but that I was stoned and horny and wondering if he wanted to help out.

He answered that yes, he’d be home in an hour and I should come over, he’d love to help me out, he also told me to bring any toys I’d use on myself if I wanted. In the past, this kind of get together would have made me feel shameful and embarrassed. A booty call as the kids call it is only for sickos and people who don’t care about the person they’re fucking. But that was so not the case. I like Urban Planner! I think we could become good friends. Though, the romance part of our relationship has yet to show up. So why not create a mutually beneficial fuck buddies relationship?

I went over and we chatted a bit. All my lovers like to hear stories about the others. I don’t get very specific and I try not to badmouth any partner to another, especially because all my relationships, save Spouse, are very new. But I do like to tell stories, especially when Tinder goes wrong or I do something ridiculous. Talking about it makes me feel more normal and makes other people smile, so it’s a win win.

Anyway, I told him what I’d been up to and he let me in on the same. Again, pro of nonmonogamy, you can actually talk about your whole experience with people. He’d just been home to see a former girlfriend and had a complicated experience in that weekend. I appreciate him sharing and enjoyed hearing about him and his thought process/experience.

Then we got to fucking. Again, he’s very good in bed. We did some very fun things and then he sort of got on top of me while I finished myself. Really hot stuff.

Being one of my most sexually experienced and open lovers, I was interested to know, what hadn’t he tried that he would like to? I’m sort of in a place sexually where I won’t do anything, but I’ll consider doing anything. Just over the last few months I’ve realized so many things I enjoy sexually that I never would have known I liked before trying or thinking about trying.

He said one thing he’d never really done was watch two people have sex. I find many men like to watch their cock go into me. I like watching it too. He said that’s kind of where his interest stems from. Maybe he’d like to see some live porn. I asked him if he’d want to be involved in it, more like a threesome, and he said he didn’t know, maybe.

I really loved being watched, I think it’s really hot when a guy is just dirty talking to me while I get myself off for them. I think having a guy watch me fuck someone else and perhaps get himself off would be really sexy. And while I thought I’d never want to be in a MFM threesome, this arrangement of it and now considering the actual men who could be involved, I’m very open to it.

So we’ll see. I told him I’d float the idea to some of the other people I’m sleeping with and see what they think. I bet Chef would be into it. Though, Filmmaker is revealing himself to be in a somewhat exploratory phase as well.

Anyway, before I left we agreed that if either of us was feeling like a fuck, we shouldn’t hesitate to contact the other. I get the sense that Urban Planner has never had an arrangement like this. At least not one that everyone truly felt good about. I think when people don’t discuss this kind of thing, it can tailspin pretty quickly into “what does it mean?” or “maybe he/she doesn’t respect me if we only have sex”.

The truth is, I don’t only want to have sex with Urban Planner. I want also to be his friend. In fact, I’m learning that sex without either a romantic or platonic connection is just not very rewarding for me. But who knows?

 

I’m going to out of town this week and may roll the Tinder dice and see if I can line up a true one night stand. I’ll keep you posted.

A really good first date

I’ve been doing this dating thing for a few months now and it’s always such a gamble. The good news I’m getting better at making educating guesses on what the situation will be like in advance and also extricating myself when it’s not great.

So I went into last night with a very open mind, but a bit more excitement than normal. He’s a scruffy filmmaker in an open marriage. But fuck, I hit the jackpot!

We met at a darling bar in Wicker Park for cocktails and hit it off right away. He’s darling; excitable and open, passionate and talented at his work, good-natured and full of light. We talked about work because we’re both passionate about what we do but have complicated feelings about it. He actually has quite a nuanced view on some issues that I find most casual liberals just see one way. So intellectually, I was very stimulated. Physically, also. 🙂 He’s got this great cleft chin and bright eyes and engaging speech.

And, having this open marriage thing in common was very cool. We were able to fill each other in on the basics of who we are married to and how we came to this path of an open relationship. Some similarities, some differences. But so lovely to connect with someone in a similar place. So, I invited him to mine to hang with S. At that moment, I honestly didn’t have an agenda on what that meant. But I knew I wanted to keep talking to him and be a little closer to him physically.

We walked out of the bar and not ten paces out, he grabbed my arm to turn me around and kissed me deeply. Vagina tingles! I don’t condone willy nilly grabbing and kissing, but this was warranted. I hadn’t had a first kiss like that since Spouse (a story for another post). We made out there on the sidewalk for a minute or two before breaking and proceeding to walk arms around one another down the street. I LOVE a man who knows how to walk with me. It was arms around each other a while, then holding hands. When passing a tight spot, he lifted our held hands to sort of guide me through ahead of him. This small elegance in traveling was a tiny bit of magic.

Part of me thought, how lovely to be with a man who knows how to walk with a woman. Perhaps one of the benefits of dating a married man. I think Spouse would do the same.

Then we got back to mine and after properly and thoroughly admiring how fucking cute S is, we headed to the bedroom and things got hot and heavy pretty quickly actually. I could really feel how much he wanted me. And he used his words very well. I’ve learned I like a lot of things in bed. But one thing I love is when a man can really put me where he wants me. Not in like a weird, aggressive way, but in like a ravishing, I want you so bad, come here way, that really turns me on.

He had this look in his eyes like he couldn’t believe I would get naked with him, but also was ready to take me. The perfect balance. He even made me cum during actual penetrative sex, which is something that only a few men have ever been able to do for me. Not that other men were incompetent or anything. But like it takes a very special blend or body mechanics, reading your partner, level of comfort and attraction that I haven’t managed with a lot of partners. He told me how sexy he thinks I am a few times, which is an affirmation I really like during sex. And there was this moment where I was on top of him, riding him and he’s a little sweaty and looking up at me with this amazed look on his face and he says “you’re so empowered” and reached up to grab my breasts. It made me catch my breath. But so did a lot of that hour or two…

Then, there was lots of cuddling and laughing and talking and watching this delight. He has a sweet tooth, just like me, so we fed each other a chocolate almond delight I had. Very hot but also very fun. I feel really comfortable with him. The boundaries in his relationship include only two rules for now: they each always sleep at home, and no fooling around with someone else in their bed. So he left pretty late and that was alright. Sleep is a struggle for me. I only really like sleeping next to Storyteller these days, or just S.

Anyway, today we made more plans for Monday and texted a lot. I’m very excited about this one, I have a feeling this will be an ongoing thing. We’ll call him Filmmaker.

Drunk Text

A thunderstorm turned Chicago purple on Tuesday. Both S and I get nervous during that kind of weather, so she got a little sedative and I decided to smoke a little pot. We were all tucked in when I got a text from Storyteller.

“Hey” he said

“My attention is heightened” I responded
Storyteller studies computer-human interaction and is particularly interested in the way we converse via text messages. It makes him a very clear electronic communicator. He calls a text like this, one meant to tell someone you’d like to speak to them right then, an “attention heightener”. Used when you’re in a sort of perpetual texting conversation with someone.
He proceeded to tell me he had told a story at The Moth, inspired by my effort to do so a few weeks ago (I didn’t get chosen). It soon became clear he was drunk texting me. You will not meet a more clear drunk texter. Or a more endearing one. His texts read like little poems and they all make me smile or laugh or think.
Well, it got flirty and I wanted to meet drunk Storyteller. I asked him to keep S and me company during the thunderstorm and he said “ok, but I want to do kissing with you”.
I liked drunk Storyteller. Sometimes when someone is drunk and you are not it’s very awful. This was not. We had fun, hot sex and then chatted in bed.

I told him I’m seeing Spouse again (as well as other men), which was scary because when we began dating, I was a separated woman, ostensibly looking for monogamous relationships and I knew this new information may change whether or not he wanted to keep seeing me. But what could I do? If I want to live with way, honesty is the way I’m going to do it.

One of the most important lessons I’m learning from intentional living in my relationships is that labels and words only matter in so far as they determine how we behave. So questions about what seeing Spouse again meant to me allowed for him to conclude that he’s like to keep seeing me too.

Then he got to discover one of the perks of nonmonogamy: you also get to date other people, and you don’t have to hide it. So I got to hear a little bit about his other dating experiences and we had some good laughs. I think ultimately, Storyteller wants long-term monogamy in the form of marriage. I think that because he told me, and I got to ask questions about what that meant for him, what was appealing about it, etc.Then he showed me the poem he wrote to me after our first date. He writes poems about everyone he meets on Tinder, he’s planning a compilation of “Poems to Women I Met on Tinder”. But I’m the only one who’s read hers so far. It’s very good. He’s very good.

Storyteller always stays over. His long arms mean we can spoon and his hand can easily rest on my thigh and not my belly. It’s one of my absolutely favorite things about sleeping next to him. That and that he always reads me a poem before bed.
This time he recited this to me, written by Jeffrey McDaniel.
In the morning we had more fun sex and took S on a long walk. After he left I felt introspective and inspired to write. I scrawled down some very bad poetry before work and felt wonderful throughout the day.