I met Feathers’ former primary partner. They were together 5 years.. same time span Spouse and I were together. They are still trying to navigate what their relationship looks like now. I hadn’t intended to meet her when I did. I was attending a work showcase of his and he didn’t think she’d come due to recent fighting. But then she did.
I feel horribly in that I got a head’s up that she was there but she didn’t. Meeting her was super brief, she left almost immediately. It was strange, meeting this person that I’ve heard so much about. And as unhelpful as comparison is in this world, it’s also somewhat unavoidable. She is shorter and more fit than me, covered in tattoos and seems to kind of hate the world. Although I can be a bitch, I’m usually relatively friendly, smiley and sociable.
This difference between us has been noted by Feathers many times. He jokes that I am not his typical type and occasionally when I’m particularly kind or supportive he has a hard time understanding that. He told me once that he feels like an abused dog who doesn’t know how to accept love and kindness, but that there is hope for rehabilitation. I don’t know how much of that is from this relationship, but it was hard to hear.
A few weeks later she came to his (they used to live together and so she still has some stuff there and they adopted his dog together) and we all had a drink together. She seems smart and free and certainly has that badass thing going for her. In some ways, I see them together. In others, it’s hard for me to understand. I wonder if people think that about Spouse and I. 5 years is a long time, especially in your 20s.
I have interesting feelings towards her. I think she’s kinda cool and hip and she seems really tough. But I also know some ways she has hurt Feathers and so I feel protective. There is also the factor of jealousy. Intellectually, I’m not worried about this at all. If they decide to be romantic or sexual again, I know I can handle it. It may change the relationship I have with him, but I can also handle that. But I still don’t like it. But I know that giving him the freedom to sort out that relationship any way he needs to is the most loving thing I can do for him. So I’ll do it.