I am dating a white man. I mean, I’m actually dating a lot of white men. But, there is one who is particularly White and Male. Like. He golfs. And works in tech. Compared to my band of amazing weirdos, he is the odd man out.
We met on an app to find threesomes a while back and sexted nearly daily for about a month. At the time, he wasn’t ready to meet in person, as he is married and they were taking a step back from all this to make sure it felt right to proceed in non monogamy. The sexting was on the up and up with his wife and I was in no hurry, so he continued.
We have been exploring some age play. Nothing too dramatic. Just daddy/good girl stuff. But we haven’t even pretended there was an actual family connection or that I was super young. And in sexting, I found I was extremely turned on by this dynamic. It turns out I will do just about anything to be called “good girl” in bed, when I finally get that I can almost always cum.
I feel conflicted about how much I like this. As a feminist and a good person, I don’t condone men controlling women or incest. But, I have received the advice again and again that the way one plays in bed must be divorced from our actual politics. Intellectually, I believe that, but I’m still working on shedding the shame of having a kink like this.
Fortunately it’s just something I enjoy and not something I feel I need a lot of. Tall Guy and I played with the dynamic via texting for about a month and although we’d never met, I began to feel pretty connected to him. It was clear we were at least compatible in this one way and it was also clear that although he found me very sexy, he was not interested solely in that part of me.
When we finally met, it was at once new and familiar. We had drinks at a dim, craft cocktail bar and laughed at the fact that we had had so much text sex and never even heard one another’s voices. Physically, he is outside of my usual type; he’s very tall (6’4″) and clean shaven. Personality wise, he’s more like me than like the men I usually see. Which is interesting.
He’s very kind and thoughtful, a good listener and clearly emotionally and mentally stable. It makes sense that he is in a healthy marriage. He and his wife are quite well to do, they own a brand new three floor walk up in a great neighborhood, they travel a lot and live a life of relative luxury. This fact at once interests me and makes me sick. I love hanging at their house and going to nice places with him, but it also clear to me that they are the beneficiaries of a crazy amount of privilege and I’m having a hard time grasping how aware of that they are.
One of my favorite things about non monogamy is getting a first person peak into the way a lot of different people live without having to integrate into it fully. Tall Guy and I do basic bitch things together, like picnics in Millenium Park and cocktails at great yuppy bars. I imagine at some point there will be brunch. These things are a real part of myself and so I’m glad to have a person to do them with.
Being with Tall Guy speaks to a part in myself that I’m a little ashamed of, but is also kind of important to me. It’s a comfortable, stable life with someone of my same demographic with few challenges. Which also means little excitement. Tall Guy honestly reminds me of how amazing Spouse was; a beautiful combination of stability and comfort but with intrigue and curiosity.
The thing I like most about Tall Guy is his ability to communicate. In fact, that’s the only thing all the people I see have in common; solid communication skills. But there have already been a few healing experiences with Tall Guy. In navigating multiple relationships for the first time (they’re new to this also), things come up. And I have been extremely impressed with 1) my ability to articulate when something doesn’t sit right and 2) his ability to respond to that and assure me and vice versa.
I think Tall Guy is my boyfriend. And I think I like having a boyfriend like him.
Non Monogamous 