One thing I love about nonmonogamy is the fact that each relationship can truly develop into whatever it’s meant to be. In other words, I can relate to each partner in whatever way he and I choose and agree on. And for one of my men, Urban Planner, I think we’re headed in the direction of true fuck buddies.
Urban Planner is great. We have a lot of common interests and enjoy talking to one another. And the sex is great. He’s extremely comfortable and competent in bed. When you ask a man what he likes sexually, many a man will answer “I like to pleasure a woman”, signifying that they are a selfless lover or something. But I have found that they don’t always mean that, sometimes they just think it’s the right thing to say. Usually these men do want to pleasure a woman, but that is not the main way in which they receive sexual pleasure. Well, Urban Planner may be the exception to this rule I’ve been noticing.
He genuinely seems to get off on whatever it is that I am getting off on. It’s a really beautiful thing. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t ask for things in bed, he does and I fucking love it. Nothing worse than asking a man how he wants you and having him say “whatever you want”, signifying that he’s just not sure what he wants. Urban Planner will ask for what he wants and that turns me on. Especially because I trust that if I don’t want to do whatever he’s requested, it’s no problem, there are plenty more things under the sun to try. And, when I ask for something, he really wants to give it to me, and he’s very open to a lot of things.
It’s at least partially about feeling competent in bed. He genuinely wants to be a great lover. But it’s also that, if I’m enjoying myself, he literally derives pleasure from that.
Now that I’m thinking about it, most of my partners are this way. If they can see I’m having a good time, they can let go and have a good time themselves. It’s just that Urban Planner is really fucking good at communicating without shame or expectation and it makes our sexual interactions really wonderful.
Anyway, the other night I got stoned and watched more Kattarshians. And pot can make me really horny. So it’s maybe 10 PM and I’m feeling really turned on. So I texted Urban Planner and just straight asked “you up for a little Saturday night fuck?” I’ve come to realize that being direct is the best way to get what you want. Playing games and being coy can be fun, but when you’re living that nonmonogamous lifestyle, you gotta kind of be clear about what you need and want. I followed that text up with one explaining that I don’t value him only for sex, but that I was stoned and horny and wondering if he wanted to help out.
He answered that yes, he’d be home in an hour and I should come over, he’d love to help me out, he also told me to bring any toys I’d use on myself if I wanted. In the past, this kind of get together would have made me feel shameful and embarrassed. A booty call as the kids call it is only for sickos and people who don’t care about the person they’re fucking. But that was so not the case. I like Urban Planner! I think we could become good friends. Though, the romance part of our relationship has yet to show up. So why not create a mutually beneficial fuck buddies relationship?
I went over and we chatted a bit. All my lovers like to hear stories about the others. I don’t get very specific and I try not to badmouth any partner to another, especially because all my relationships, save Spouse, are very new. But I do like to tell stories, especially when Tinder goes wrong or I do something ridiculous. Talking about it makes me feel more normal and makes other people smile, so it’s a win win.
Anyway, I told him what I’d been up to and he let me in on the same. Again, pro of nonmonogamy, you can actually talk about your whole experience with people. He’d just been home to see a former girlfriend and had a complicated experience in that weekend. I appreciate him sharing and enjoyed hearing about him and his thought process/experience.
Then we got to fucking. Again, he’s very good in bed. We did some very fun things and then he sort of got on top of me while I finished myself. Really hot stuff.
Being one of my most sexually experienced and open lovers, I was interested to know, what hadn’t he tried that he would like to? I’m sort of in a place sexually where I won’t do anything, but I’ll consider doing anything. Just over the last few months I’ve realized so many things I enjoy sexually that I never would have known I liked before trying or thinking about trying.
He said one thing he’d never really done was watch two people have sex. I find many men like to watch their cock go into me. I like watching it too. He said that’s kind of where his interest stems from. Maybe he’d like to see some live porn. I asked him if he’d want to be involved in it, more like a threesome, and he said he didn’t know, maybe.
I really loved being watched, I think it’s really hot when a guy is just dirty talking to me while I get myself off for them. I think having a guy watch me fuck someone else and perhaps get himself off would be really sexy. And while I thought I’d never want to be in a MFM threesome, this arrangement of it and now considering the actual men who could be involved, I’m very open to it.
So we’ll see. I told him I’d float the idea to some of the other people I’m sleeping with and see what they think. I bet Chef would be into it. Though, Filmmaker is revealing himself to be in a somewhat exploratory phase as well.
Anyway, before I left we agreed that if either of us was feeling like a fuck, we shouldn’t hesitate to contact the other. I get the sense that Urban Planner has never had an arrangement like this. At least not one that everyone truly felt good about. I think when people don’t discuss this kind of thing, it can tailspin pretty quickly into “what does it mean?” or “maybe he/she doesn’t respect me if we only have sex”.
The truth is, I don’t only want to have sex with Urban Planner. I want also to be his friend. In fact, I’m learning that sex without either a romantic or platonic connection is just not very rewarding for me. But who knows?
I’m going to out of town this week and may roll the Tinder dice and see if I can line up a true one night stand. I’ll keep you posted.