I moved out. It just made the most sense. And I found a good situation. My new roommate doesn’t need me to pay rent but wants to save in order to travel more (she’s Polish and her partner is Italian, living in Amsterdam). The place is very cute in a nice neighborhood. We even have a fireplace. S is here with me too.
Folks keep asking me if it feels weird not to live with Spouse. Yes, it does. But it also feels pretty good. The past few years Spouse has felt more like my best friend and irresponsible roommate than a partner. So while I miss him, it’s nice not to have to worry about living with him. I had forgotten what it was like to live with a considerate person. My roommate and I check-in on the basics, when will you be home, want to watch Westworld tonight and can you bring in my packages. Plus, she cleans up after herself.
So some days I feel happy and relieved and even excited about the prospect of regaining my independence. Other days, like today, I am not so optimistic. I’ve begun listening to Christmas music and it’s making me sad. I don’t have enough money to visit family and the way it worked out with my lease, I need to be out of my new place for 10 days over Christmas and New Years for pre-planned visitors. So I’ll be based out of Spouse and my apartment, where S will stay and I’ll be couch surfing between friends.
It just sucks to feel uprooted. Plus, I’m in quite a lot of physical pain as well today so that’s not helping. It’s hard to differentiate my physical and emotional pain because they are so intertwined. I’m going to lay down a while now.